13 Warning Signs That Your Dream Quinta in Portugal Might Be a Disaster

👋 Good morning, tribe! What a week it’s been! I finally landed a sweet job after 1.5 years of searching (don’t worry, I’ll still be here writing The Expat Hustle every week 😃). On top of that, I officially registered myself as an independent contractor. Why and how, you ask? Good question—but that’s a story for another day… so stay tuned!

✨ Upcoming! Next week, the very first “Ask An Expert” article will hit your inbox, thanks to our exciting collaboration with a modern and fresh tax firm that knows everything expat-related inside out. Got friends who need the inside scoop? Get them to sign up for the newsletter today; they’ll be so disappointed you kept this all to yourself! Be like the star of today’s email…

🎇 Shout out to Sandie Bulmann! You rock for tripling our weekly readers in less than 24 hours. Absolute legend!

Here’s what’s on the menu today:

🎁An Idea For Spreading Some Christmas Mischief

😟The Ugly Truth About The Mold Battle

🏚️The Dream Home Turned Nightmare

Let’s dive in!

No pain no gain? Not with this natural pain relief remedy. More details down below.

HUSTLE IDEAS: QUICK BUCKS 🤑

Drive-By Grinching: A Festive Side Hustle with a Twist

Who says you can’t make money while spreading some mischievous holiday cheer? In 2020, a Colorado teenager named Ethan Hecker turned everyone’s favorite green holiday grump into a quirky side hustle. Dressed as the Grinch, Ethan roamed neighborhood yards, peeking into windows, rearranging Christmas decorations, and entertaining kids.

The idea snowballed (pun intended), and soon Ethan had booked over 100 “Grinch visits” at $20 a pop. That’s $2,000 in holiday mischief!

How to bring it home: Considering a Grinch costume will set you back around €40-€80 on Amazon Spain, you could adapt this hilarious idea for your own neighborhood and turn a tidy profit.

It’s a win-win: you’ll spread holiday laughs, and your wallet will be smiling too. Just remember to keep it light-hearted and fun—nobody wants a real-life Grinch ruining their holiday!

HUSTLE HACKS

The Game of Mold And How To Play It

Quick answer? Don’t. Move. Pack your bags. Save yourself. Leave the infected house/apartment/building and avoid the inevitable, grueling battle that awaits.

Still reading? Wow, hardcore.

Like most older houses in Portugal, you’re likely living in a concrete block floating on damp soil, with zero insulation against the colder months. If you’re waging war against The Damp, here’s the best raw, real advice from seasoned mold survivors:

1. Live and die by the dehumidifiers

   This is not optional. Get one (or five) and place them strategically. Bonus: they work best near heat sources. If humidity is your nemesis, invest in a sensor to automate when the dehumidifier turns on. Your electricity bill will cry, but your lungs will thank you.

2. The Holy Trinity: Vinegar, Bleach, and UHU

   • Start with vinegar spray (yes, it reeks). Let it sit for an hour, wipe it down, then rinse with water.

   • Follow up with a good anti-fungal like UHU Mold Remover.

   • For major infestations, sandpaper the area, apply anti-mold paint, and pray to the mold gods for mercy.

3. Watch Out for Hidden Threats

   Built-in wardrobes? Just mold farms in disguise. Use crystal dehumidifiers (those plastic containers from Continente) or hanging moisture absorbers, and place them in closets, under couches, and behind cupboards. Or get fancy with an air purifier.

4. Manage Your Indoor Climate Like a Scientist

   • Keep humidity below 65%. Use a hygrometer to monitor levels.

   • Ventilate often (yes, even when it’s raining). Cold, wet air might feel counterintuitive, but it reduces condensation. (Weird, I know).

   • For serious warriors: install a mechanical ventilation system with heat recovery. Sure, it’s pricey, but so is replacing all your furniture every winter.

5. When All Else Fails, Embrace the Mold

   Sometimes, you just have to roll with it. “Welcome to Portugal: where winters are mild—except inside the houses.”

   Keep your sense of humor alive—just like the spores thriving behind your closet.

Pro Tip: Want dry, mold-free clothes? Forget line drying—get a dryer. Just be prepared to fight the mold somewhere else.

Mold in Portugal isn’t going anywhere, but with these tips, you can at least hold your ground. And hey, if all else fails, pack your bags, burn the bridges (figuratively, please), and start fresh. Mold-free dreams are just a relocation away.

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HUSTLE SPOTLIGHT

The Dream Quinta That Wasn’t — What Every Expat Should Know Before Buying Property in Portugal

The Quinta was it. Two charming houses, a spacious workshop, an old wine cellar, terraced land overlooking a breathtaking valley, and just minutes from the Douro River.

And the price was perfect! Too good to be true.

From 8,000 kilometers away in South Africa, it looked perfect. Glowing photos and a convincing real estate agent sealed the deal in our minds, and soon our Portuguese representative drove from Lisbon to Cinfães to view the property for us. Our banker in Portugal had already provided us with the mortgage checklist.

When our representative arrived, her report didn’t disappoint. She painted a picture of summer bliss: the scent of flowers and wine on the breeze, welcoming neighbors, and the Douro Valley’s beauty in full bloom. Paired with what we believed were accurate descriptions of the property’s condition, we were hooked.

Fast forward 15 months.

We finally arrived in Portugal, full of excitement. It was our first European winter, and the fact that the Quinta was still unsold didn’t faze us (love is blind, after all).

But when we drove 282km north to Cinfães with our friends, our lofty dreams began to unravel.

The icy wind hit first, cutting through our jackets and illusions. The shadows cast by the surrounding mountains stretched long and dark, even at midday, and it became painfully clear the Quinta was on the wrong side of the slopes and didn’t see a ray of sunshine all winter. Strike one.

Then came the houses themselves.

Our dreams crumbled like the rotting interiors. Black, fluffy mold climbing grey-stained ceilings. Stale damp air clung to every corner. The photos that promised us paradise? At least a decade old and captured in the bright, forgiving light of summer. Strike two.

We tried to keep our spirits up, but we couldn’t escape the sinking feeling that this was a near-miss with disaster.

The Hard-Learned Lesson

Love may be blind, but home-buying shouldn’t be.

Key Takeaways for Future Homebuyers

Here’s what we wish we knew before house-hunting in Portugal:

• Photos Lie: Always verify how recent the photos are and request a video walkthrough in real-time.

• Visit in Different Seasons: A summer paradise can turn into a winter wasteland.

• Enlist Trusted Locals: An impartial friend or recommended local can spot issues agents might gloss over

• Do Your Homework: Research the area’s climate, sun exposure, and any seasonal quirks before you fall in love.

• Don’t Rush: Losing a property is better than being stuck with a disaster.

13 Best Tips from Long-Term Expats

1. Damp Walls = Hidden Headaches

   • Bring a flashlight and inspect every corner for damp spots or mold. If it smells like a wet towel, it is a wet towel… somewhere in the walls.

2. Squishy Floorboards Are a Red Flag

   • If the floors feel like a trampoline, you’re not discovering a hidden feature—it’s likely rotten wood. Be ready to redo the floors or bounce your way through life.

3. Orange Trees Are Great… Until They Aren’t

   • A yard full of orange trees might seem idyllic, but too many can attract fruit flies, wasps, and an endless sticky cleanup. One tree is delightful. Ten? A citrus nightmare.

4. Check the Tile Roofs

   • Those charming terracotta roofs might hide loose or broken tiles, leading to leaks in winter. Bonus points if you see weeds or little plants growing in the cracks—it’s a sure sign of neglect.

5. The Septic Tank Question

   • Rural properties often have septic tanks. Find out when it was last emptied or risk learning the hard way when it overflows mid-winter.

6. Look for Water Stains on the Ceilings

   • Inspect the ceilings for any signs of water damage, and if possible, get into the attic to ensure the roof is leak-free before winter rains arrive.

7. What’s Behind the Paint?

   • Freshly painted walls are nice, but they can hide cracks or dampness. Ask why the pain is so new.

8. Mind the Neighbors’ Roosters… and Dogs!

   • It’s not just rural properties—roosters pop up everywhere in Portugal, and they love a 4 a.m. wake-up call. Somehow, expats are also the only ones who notice the neighbors’ dogs barking through the night. 🤷Visit the property at odd hours to gauge the noise level, or get ready to put those extra oranges to use during a 2 a.m. dog-shouting showdown.

9. Internet Access Is Not Guaranteed

   • Don’t assume every property has fast fiber internet. Double-check with the provider, especially if you’re located in a rural or remote area.

10. Test the Plumbing

    • Turn on taps, flush toilets, and run the shower. Low water pressure or funny noises might indicate old or poorly maintained plumbing.

11. Count the Outlets

    • Older houses often have fewer electrical outlets, and you don’t want to end up daisy-chaining extension cords for basic appliances.

12. Sunlight (Or Lack Thereof)

    • That charming courtyard might look dreamy in summer, but take it from us, if it’s north-facing or hedged in, you’ll have chilly shadows and damp walls all winter.

13. Property Designations

    • Know the difference between rural and urban classifications—rural properties often aren’t mortgageable or legally habitable.

Skip the heartbreak we faced. Whether you’re buying or renting, take the time to do your homework and go in with both eyes open.

Have you had a surprising or challenging experience buying property in Portugal? Share your story—I’d love to feature it in a future edition of The Expat Hustle!

HUSTLE HOME PICKS

🏡 ESCAPE THE NIGHTMARES OF BUYING A FIXER-UPPER—YOUR DREAM HOME AWAITS

Say hello to the home that has everything you want and none of the nasty surprises. This fully renovated 2024 villa near Alcobaça is a dream property for anyone who’s done their research (or learned the hard way).

Blending comfort, style, and modern conveniences, this exquisitely updated gem spares you from damp disasters, mold colonies, and those dreaded property line disputes.

Behind this turn-key home is a local couple with an eye for detail and a heart for expat comforts. Their unique mix of Portuguese roots and foreign perspectives created a hassle-free homeownership experience. All it’s missing? You!

Property Highlights

📍Perfect Location: Nestled on a quiet dead-end street, just 2 minutes from Alcobaça’s historic center and amenities.

🏠 Move-In Ready:

• 5 spacious bedrooms, including a master suite with a walk-in closet and ensuite bathroom

• Open-space lounge and semi-equipped kitchen for modern living

• 2 bathrooms (no fighting over sinks!)

• Attic conversion for additional flexible space

🌲Outdoor Bliss: A large patio with panoramic countryside views, perfect for sipping wine (or coffee).

🔧 Modern Upgrades:

• Double-glazed windows with thermal breaks for optimal insulation and reduced moisture buildup

• Electric shutters and pre-installation for air conditioning

• Updated electrical and plumbing systems for peace of mind

• Irrigation system connected to a private well for effortless garden maintenance

🎨Quality Finishes: Every detail is crafted for style and durability.

All this sits on a spacious 1,320 m² plot, offering privacy, serenity, and plenty of room to breathe.

Skip the horror stories of unexpected renovations and damp winters. This villa proves the perfect home exists—and it’s ready for you.

✨Act fast—book your viewing today and take the first steps to a nightmare-free dream home.

LOST IN LINGO

Viewing a House in Portugal—Must-Know Phrases

Portuguese Lab has some of the best learning material out there, which is why I mention them so often! This video on house-hunting in Portugal is no exception. It’s listen-and-repeat structure makes it easy to memorize your new go-to sentences.

Sentence of the week ✏️

Ia comprar uma casa, mas acobardei-me

Literal translation: I was going to buy a house, but I chickened out

Explanation: “To chicken out” is an informal way of saying ‘to not do something because you got scared’. (Some houses will do that to you).

Thanks for reading! 💌

Hustle on!

Angelique🧞‍♀️

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